Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
