So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
did i just pee glitter
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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