I hate your face
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
