i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
