Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have already put on my inside pants.
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