Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
vagina is talking i cant
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
