Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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