Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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