He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
