I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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