she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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