i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
