i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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