As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
