it was like eating out sand paper
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
