Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
