is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
