i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
