I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
