I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
