I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize