no, he came in my armpit
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
FUCK WHALES
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
