I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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