the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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