Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
