God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
