I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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