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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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