Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
