Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
