My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
