You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
