the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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