I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
