It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
