she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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