now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
