Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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