I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
