i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
