i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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