he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
