no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
