Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
