ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
