She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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