I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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