I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
