Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
