It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
