Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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