you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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