Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
