I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Alive.
So much puke
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
