Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
