you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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