Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
