so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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