People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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