NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last night I used snow as a chaser
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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