Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
