Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize