i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
