Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
