you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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