So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
