At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize