Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
