I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
