mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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