I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
love makes seman taste better
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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