i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
