Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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