We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
