they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
