im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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